Episode 180: The Questions in Relationship Development | In Cultivation (Part 3 of 5)
In the third edition of a special five-part series we look at questions surrounding the elements cultivation. Building the relationship. Study the six must-ask questions during the cultivation process. The value of your work is rooted in your relationships - asking the right questions gets you stronger relationships which leads to greater levels of philanthropy and greater impact in your community.
Welcome to another edition of Around with Randall, your weekly podcast for making your nonprofit more effective for your community. And here is your host, the CEO and founder of Hallett Philanthropy, Randall Hallett. It's a pleasure to have you join me, Randall, on this edition of Around with Randall. We move into the third of our five part series on the questions in relationship development. In the first iteration of this five part series, we talked about pipeline. One of the things you should be asking to get your pipeline set not only for now, but in the future. The second was on what's going on in the qualification process, calling and visiting in what are the key questions there. Okay, we delve into part three, which is all about cultivation, building that relationship. And then obviously in four and five, we'll get into solicitation and into stewardship. I think of six major questions when I think about what are we trying to answer when we think of the issues involving cultivation. And this time I want to maybe highlight what the six are, then go back and review them and give you the details of why they're important.
The first is, am I talking at them or with them? Number two, are we angling towards emotion rather than logic? Number three, are we putting transformational on the table? And number four, do we really know them? Number five, are we moving fast enough? And number six, the final one for cultivation? Questions to ask? Are we soft asking to set up the solicitation? So let's go all the way back up to the top and start with number one, which was and is, am I talking at them or with them? I, after the publication of my book, Vibrant Vulnerability, which is all about the CEO and the sea, sweet engagement of philanthropy, really what we need and want with those leaders, I tend to find myself when I'm asked to speak at state hospital associations, moving into national conversations, talking with the CEOs about this particular aspect of cultivation, which also applies to those of us who might be fundraising professionals or volunteers.
What I find most often, particularly as things have gotten a little bit more dicey from the perspective of philanthropy, hospital in particular, but also universities in terms of their financial structures, things are changing is that we become more attuned or used to how we talk at people. We tend to tell them what we want and need rather than actually spend any time that's important asking what they're trying to accomplish. This is going to weave its way into a couple of these questions, but primarily when you talk to philanthropists and the bigger the philanthropists, meaning the bigger the impact they can have, and in some ways, that's just dollars in terms of the number of zeros. We have to remember two things. Number one, they didn't get to where they were at without having opinions. I've almost never met someone who has done very well, acquired resources, inherited resources and grew them, but isn't losing resources that doesn't have an opinion. That's how they got to where they were at. They may not articulate it all the time, but that opinion does affect their decisions.
Let me give you an example. Recently I met with the chair of a board of the Indic coming, soon to be chair of a board of a foundation of a pretty large organization, nonprofit. As can be told, there was also a governance board who oversees the operational side of the organization. In this case, he will be overseeing the foundations. We were chatting about what his role might be and he's trying to figure out how he fits into this larger picture. He was nice enough to ask my opinion. I think he trusts me. We got into conversation and we had one of their foundation executive leaders with us who didn't say very much wise move as he was allowing the chair of the board to move through the conversation the way that he wanted to. As we neared about the middle part, I said, there's a reason that your involvement is so important in this introduction process, but I think you need to understand why it is that we do what we do and how we deal with people like yourself. He's an incredibly well-connected individual. He said, well, what's that? And I said, well, if children's in this case comes and talks with you in terms of an organization and they tell you only what they need, your vantage point comes from what you look at as what the community needs and whether or not that fits. And he looked at me and he goes, you're right. He said most community leaders don't just view one organization. They view the community as a whole and they're trying to put the puzzle together as to what this means for the community in totality. He agreed with that. And he said, so part of the conversation that would be helpful as a community leader in chair of the foundation board is to help us figure out what the community really wants and then figure out how the organization can help solve those challenges. And his eyes began to light up and he said, that's exactly correct.
This is the difference between talking at someone and with someone. When you talk at someone, you comment them and say, here's what we're doing and why you should support us for the things we think we need. And I'm not saying those things aren't justified or useful or helpful or drive success or make impact. Don't make do make impact. I'm not here to judge that. What I'm talking about is how you uplift the conversation with the person who's at the top or amongst the people that are at the top of the community who want the very best for. Because if you pivoted to what their opinions were, what do you think the greatest challenges are in our community and have nothing to do with you? They're going to tell you a story. It could be in today's world basic needs and homelessness they could talk about inflation. They could talk about all kinds of things. I mean, you could pick anything depending on the community and their perspective. If they've articulated what it is that they think is the problem and you can help solve it, aren't you more likely to have them engage? And this is at the heart of cultivation. We have trained too many people to walk into rooms and say, I'm really good at cultivating or hopefully believe they're good at cultivating. And they're just talking at people. And then they're surprised when the philanthropist say, you know, give you $5,000, $10,000 or something because you didn't really figure out what it is they wanted and how what you're doing fits with their desires. They have opinions. Now if their opinions are so crazy or so off, you may not match. But the great thing about nonprofit work, education, health care, social service, we do more than just limited siloed work.
There are determinants of how people got into or the organizations, their mission, solve certain problems and they're not siloed to one specific thing. They do multiple things. Education isn't just about educating kids. It's about affordability, which has long term effects on community engagement and their ability to be mobile and to move upward and to make choices, to afford housing, to afford the taxes. Health care does more than just health care. It's involved with social determinants of health. It educates a lot of nurses. A food kitchen isn't just about food. They're interlinked with homelessness because it's really hard if someone doesn't have a place to go to solve the food insecurity. All of these things are interwoven and that's why the first question is, and I may be saying the most amount of time on it, are we talking at people or are we talking with people and getting their opinions and seeing how we fit into what their plans might be? Number two, are we angling towards emotion rather than logic? And this dovetails, I think, really nicely right after the question around add and with people and talking with them, talking at them. Part of this is also realizing that passion is what drives decisions at the highest level. When I teach, there's a slide that I love to use from a neurologist that talks about that logic leads to conclusion, emotion leads to action. And that's from a medical profession. We sometimes forget even from those, and if you think about the seven fixes of philanthropy and there's a podcast on the seven different kinds of philanthropists and how people view their philanthropy, even from the ones that are the most logical, they like the communitarian.
There's an emotional content to their desires based on their experiences, based on the people that they care about the most. Something has driven them towards those decisions or those particular needs to build a gap. Passion is what elevates the highest levels of conversation. We tend to find too much logic in what we do. Well, if you support us, logic, here's what we can accomplish. Well, if we talk with them and be able to ask the question, is this the most important thing you want to be involved with? Is this the thing that's going to make the biggest difference? Is this the thing that would make you smile the biggest, that make you feel the most amount of warmth inside in terms of your heart? If you can find those things and then attach it to what they also logically want to do, passion will get you to higher dollar levels. Logic will get you to the gift coming to fruition. You can have gifts with logic and no emotion. You can't have big gifts consistently if you don't have that emotional content with your donors, that they believe your organization, your cause, fits with what they're trying to accomplish. So the second question, are we angling towards emotion, passion rather than just logic? Then the third thing comes in right behind it that beautifully dovetails into this conversation. Are we putting transformational on the table?
I try to repeat as often as I can, transformational does not mean a certain dollar figure. What it is is that it's the emotional state where the donor is willing to give you not quite their last penny, but that's kind of the metaphor I would use. They're willing to invest in you. Their actions speak for who they are. And so transformational is the largest, most likely gift that they could give or a limited number of those gifts in a series of transformational gifts. Here's the thing with inflation, which I've talked about a number of times, including the first podcast of 2024, which was I think correct. And we're going to see numbers. I'm beginning to see them now about eating into a lot of people's decisions when it comes to philanthropy.
When you think about just the transference of wealth and somewhere, they're talking 40, 50 trillion dollars, the next couple of generations, maximum or philanthropy will be somewhere between anywhere from 10 to 14%, depending on who you ask. To get to transformational, you have to be willing to get into asset on Versesions, not cash flow. Disposable annual income is great, but that's going to limit your ability to get to transformational. Transformational means that someone's willing to put their stamp on your organization with who they are, which means things like blended gifts or a plan giving the idea of maximizing their engagement through these kind of two mechanisms. Maybe that blended gift cash now cash pledge plus an estate gift, maybe it's just an estate gift, but if it's not transformational, somebody could leave you a $250,000 gift in their estate, it could be their house. It's a large asset that they have. That's transformational to that person. This is all based on the concept of how delayed gratification works, and I'm not talking about the delayed gratification for them. They'll feel it right away. I'm talking about for us. Our metrics are built around, I need the cash now, our finances are built that I need the cash now, our CFOs and our boards are saying we need the cash now because of economic circumstances. We push all of our efforts into, I need the money now.
Instead of incentivizing the longer term transformational gift opportunity that may require a blended or planned gift additively or in total isolation. That's hard, but if you want to start with talking with Pete and you want to elevate into passion, then you're going to have to get into the transformational gift opportunity to complete that, which means the delayed gratification has to be on the table. That means that gifts come down the road. I'm all for and I've talked about it in several podcasts about how we count for the issues involving productivity and things of that nature, but at the end of the day, we have to have the conversation around how do we let someone give at a much higher level through their assets? Question number three, are you putting transformational on the table? Or four, five, and six a little bit shorter. Do you really know them? Before we move into solicitation, I truly believe that there are three questions we have to be able to answer.
So these are sub questions inside. Do we really know them? Do you know what fulfills them? Respect to that passion question. Do you specifically know what excites them about what they want to support that you're doing? Or maybe you're not. Number three, how do they want to be engaged? These three questions, if you can't answer them in detail, prior, you can't solicit them. So what fulfills them? What are the things that are most important to them? What do they want to accomplish? What specifically excites them? What does this give mean to them or the potential of it? What it is that we do that makes them smile, that gives them joy. Remember smile happiness is an external factor. It comes from inside that decision to make the gift. And finally, how do they want to be engaged? What is the communication?
Now, later, stewardship, things of that nature. I find too often that we're rushing asks because we don't know the answer to these three questions. And if you want to get to transformational, whatever that level is, you have to answer the E3. And sometimes you have to ask directly. So keep in mind that the third question is, do you really know them or the fourth question, excuse me, do you really know them? The fifth question, are we moving fast enough? If you're asking for 10, 15, 20, 25 million plus dollars, I don't care how long it takes. But I tend to find that we're trying to ask for 10 to 25,000, maybe it's that first time gift.
Challenges is we're moving, you slowly. And particularly if we go down even further in terms of dollar figures, not important. For asking for a thousand dollars, that's a phone call and an ass. It's not six moves. Speed is relative to the gift size. The more complicated and greater the size of the gift, the longer the moves manage your process. What I'm pushing on is on the front side. If all this is a 10 or a 25,000 dollar gift, and by the way, that's still a good size gift, you're talking four, five, six moves. Ask, build it, build a relationship, answer the questions, make the ask. But taking you 10 to 15 to 25 moves to ask for 10 to 15,000 dollars, you're never going to make any goals.
And by the way, the organization is not going to receive the money that it needs. The speed is relative dependent on how big and complicated the gift is. Are we really fast enough number five? The final one is, are we soft asking before and as a setup to the solicitation? When we make the formal ask, put that proposal in front of someone or we do it verbally, I would prefer over dollar figure, it's actually writing, there should be no surprises. And the way in which we know that from a cultivation standpoint is if we soft asked, is it okay if I bring you something on paper that represents what we've talked about? What we've talked about is your gift to 50,000 dollars going to paid off in this manner that's going to support this particular program. And what I'd like to do is make sure that's correct and put it on paper and bring it to you. Or would we talk about how your estate could make this gift even larger? And then start moving into an additive conversation. The best soft asking we did was during the pandemic because we had to soft ask people just to be able to communicate with them. Would it be okay if I came by the house? Would you like to meet in a park and have a cup of coffee at the bench? We were soft asking about their willingness to engage with us. Could we do a Zoom call? Because we didn't know. Why aren't we taking those learned lessons from the thing people in the organization? They did it really well to keep fundraising as chaos is ensuing around the world. Why aren't we doing that same thing when we get to the solicitation? So there's no surprises. If we did the soft ask more, we would have donors, prospects, tell us exactly what they want. By the way, I would encourage you to use the soft ask all the way through cultivation. Would it be okay if we had you come in and meet with the physician? I think he's got some really interesting things to say. Is that okay with you? Sure would be nice if they would tell us what they want. Sometimes we have to actually ask to figure that out.
So number six in the final one, are we soft asking to set up the solicitation? These are the six for the cultivation around the idea of the questions of relationship development. Again, are we talking at number with them? Are we angling towards emotion rather than logic? Are we putting transformational on the table? Do we really know them? Are we moving fast enough and are we soft asking to set ourselves up? You answer those six. You'll move through relationships, philanthropically, and maybe even in life, a lot more efficiently and a lot less painfully. I'm all for that. Less pain, more gain, better relationships. If you'd like to reach out to me, it's podcasted at helipelanthropy.com. And I always encourage you to check out the blogs, 90 second reads on the website Hallett Philanthropy.com
You can get an RSS feed right to your front door. We are moving through entering kind of chaotic times. I think there's a lot of things people going on. And the keys to life are how do you anchor yourself in what is most important to you? And in philanthropy our professional life, realizing the value that philanthropy has in these kind of moments.
So I encourage you to realize the value, the work you do every day being important. No matter if you're volunteer, the achievement officer, a staff member related to the organization in some way, we're just looking to grow into being more of a philanthropist. Again, philanthropy doesn't mean dollars, money. It means love of mankind, helping others. No matter where you are, it's really important we do more for each other because that's going to be what sustains us at any time. Don't forget my favorite saying, some people make things happen, some people watch things happen then there are those who wondered what happened. You're someone who's making something happen. Big or small, it's important. And you're looking for others who are just like you who want to make things happen for the people and the things in our community that we know are wondering what happened. Pretty cool. Good way to spend a career, good way to spend a life. I hope you find it and know how important you are.
I'll look forward to seeing you next time. Part four, if we move into solicitation, the key questions. We'll talk about next time, right back here on the next edition of Around with Randall. Don't forget, make it a great day.