The Value of Vulnerability
I’m right in the middle of a project that I am excited about. There will be more about that near the end of the year. But the project has allowed me to consider an important emotional quality that we all need but we’re all afraid of. The idea of being a little bit “vulnerable.”
I’m not talking about physical vulnerability or putting anyone in physical or mental distress. Those situations are never acceptable. But I’m talking about growth. Learning. It’s almost as simple as Robert Fulghum's book Everything I Need to Learn I Learned in Kindergarten.
As a child, vulnerability is a natural state. They don’t know anything. My son goes to third grade. He doesn’t know what to expect. There’s certainly some nervousness with a new classroom, teacher, and classmates, but he’s excited to go back this Fall. He’s vulnerable. And that allows him the opportunity to grow. Learn academics. Realize what he doesn’t know. Make new friends. Enhance old friendships. Learn who he is. Why are all those things bad? His vulnerability allows him to evolve as a person.
Yet, when we get older and become leaders, vulnerability may be seen as a negative. We’re supposed to know everything. The answer of “I don’t know” is seen as a negative by many executives in various industries. None greater than those leaders who don’t understand philanthropy.
And that brings me to my project. I’m having to consider how we teach those who lead organizations about philanthropy, best practices within our industry, and what’s possible versus what’s impossible. What I am realizing is that we can keep talking but until someone is willing to be a little bit vulnerable, admit that they don’t know, and are willing to learn, it’s like talking to a wall.
Law school taught me an important lesson. I really appreciate the philosophy of the former dean of the law school, my criminal law professor, Dean Bob Popper. He articulated with the law being so vast, you will never be an expert at all of it. You might, if you’re lucky, be an expert at a very small portion of it. The key is not knowing all of the law but being vulnerable enough to admit you don’t know and know where to go to find the right answer. Also, who are the other experts you can count on? And can you “access” them?
This philosophy was first discussed nearly 25 years ago as I sat with incredible vulnerability in a huge lecture hall on my first day of law school. And yet, it’s more relevant today for me than I ever realized. And something that we will have to talk about more and more often if we seek a little bit of openness from those non-Fundraising leaders to better understand what we do.
