Episode 131: Greek Love And Its Connection to Philanthropy Part 1

Welcome to another edition of "Around with Randall" your weekly podcast for making your nonprofit more effective for your community. And here is your host, the CEO and founder of Hallett Philanthropy, Randall Hallett. I hope it's a good day for you as you join me right here on this edition of "Around with Randall." Today we want to talk about love, and this all stems from my time and my experience in Easter Sunday services. And I'm not going to be spending a lot of time talking about Easter, religion, but the sermon that day was talking about the concept of love and reminded me at least in terms of some of the things I've studied along the way is the concept of Greek love.

So to put this in context, for whatever it's worth, when we think about love as at least the way we do today we use that word in various ways in various manners with different meanings but it's the same four-letter word. My best friends, two of which tell me and I tell them hey man I love you, that's different than what I tell my wife yet it's the same word and it's certainly different than the way I look at my children, or that I look at my parents, or that I look at the things that maybe I can make a difference with. The Greeks had a better way of looking at this. They actually had seven different words for those thought of the concept of love. And believe it or not as I pondered that service on Easter morning and what I do every day, I began to make connections to the nonprofit world, what we do in philanthropy.

So let's start with just the word philanthropy. You've heard me say it, you've probably heard it for a million other places. If this is the first time know that philanthropy doesn't mean money, philanthropy means love of mankind, love of humankind. So inside of what we do every day in the nonprofit world is this concept of Love based on just the pure ancient Greek or Latin definition that comes when you break the word apart. Philanthropy. Love of mankind. love of humankind.

I was, I'd like to say ask what I was told by my parents in I think it was 11th grade, so I was a junior in high school that I had to study Greek in the Greek histories. And I went to a high school that had some of those kind of classes. I was very lucky, but it stuck with me. So I want to just take a second and talk about the seven different kinds of love that the Greeks articulated, and then I'm gonna come back and connect them to philanthropy and maybe how this affects and helps you. So the first love, and they're in no particular order is Eros which is romantic, passionate love, really of the body is his physical love, and if you need something to compare it to you can think about any television show that might have a love story or movie and has a love story in it, it's passion, is affectionate, friendly love. It's the kind of connection you make with others, but it's characterized by the loyalty and trust that you develop in the people you're closest to. It's an encouraging, totally platonic feeling for other people, and other things, other people.

Your friends are the ones who if you have great affection, my father has taught me over time and he said it early on in my life but I've come to believe it, that if you're lucky in life you'll have one or two, maybe maybe three people that over the course of time will be your truest friends. That platonic trust and affection you have and hope that they are in such good places that you hope for them the very best.

The third story which is unconditional familial love, this is the kind of love you have for your kids. The love I have for my children that it's in some ways almost torque is almost one-sided. When I look at my kids, while I love Father's Day and being remembered and getting a hug, I don't need it to be a dad. The love that I have doesn't need to be reciprocated by my children. I give it because it's what I view as a characteristic of me. Not better, not worse, just Randall. I think most parents feel that way. No it's nice to Gad, but at the end of the day it's one-sided.

Ludas is the is the next kind of love. It's the breezy, fun, playful, flirtatious kind of love. it's kind of the almost non-committal, and that it's kind of that beginning stage of a relationship where there's infatuation and thought.

Pragma, that's the committed long-lasting forever love. Really the easiest way to think about this is, and I think about my parents and hopefully where I'm at in my marriage, it's those decades-long relationships that are so quintessential to life and that you have forever and that the love that it grows into wasn't the love it started with, but probably is deeper and more committed.

Phillot, excuse me, Philotei, Felotii is self-love. This is the kind of love that the ancient Greeks actually saw as healthy but can be construed as one who puts their own self view maybe ahead of others. In some ways we've taken this to an extreme because we think about Mental Health and the fact that we should love ourselves and take care of ourselves. But at least in America we don't take all of our vacation. We we we are amongst the longest working people in the world. I'm not saying that's good or bad, but what I'm saying is is that if you don't have an idea of what that Health looks like that can be a negative. But you take it to extreme, it can be a, it can be a very strong problem.

The one that I think is most important, that's the hardest to find, to achieve, is the thought process of agape love. The selfish, selfless, universal love that comes through empathy, through the ability to do it regardless of what comes back in return. What it means in terms of what you get out of it, it's a genuine concern for others. And it's really about serving others' needs and others in a way that is profound.

So we have these seven loves that are described in ancient Greek text that in some ways our world we only use one word, but we use it in various ways. What does this have to do with philanthropy?

I was doing a presentation recently for a client on the seven phases of philanthropy which was the 1994 study done by Prince and File that talks about how we categorize donors and the kind of communication they would want, and what their perspectives are, and you get things like the investor or the dynast the altruist. And you can read the the information. In fact I've done a podcast on the subject and then I began to, in the back of my mind as I'm doing the presentation coming, keep coming back to my Sunday morning experience on Easter and the ideas of love what I realized is that if we could look at our donors in how they connect to us, how they love us, and how we love them ,it begins to put into framework the kinds of people we interact with all the time.

So I don't have a connection for Eros, which was the romantic passionate love, other than those people who are literally without the physical so aligned with you that there's nothing you could do that would remove them from your or from their passion for your organization. In some ways I almost think this is unhealthy because if you're doing something that isn't in the interests of the society or isn't a best idea of how to help others, these are people that never leave your side. They kind of scare me a little bit to be honest.

So I don't have a real good connection there but affiliate is the next that's the love of friend. These are our volunteers. Think about the people that come into our organization and they are encouraging and affectionate and they, that, they they see themselves as a part of what you're trying to accomplish. It's a friendly love, it's a connection. I think about all of the people who have lost a spouse, particularly later on in life, and they come in and they volunteer. I think about the hospitals that I've worked in, and certainly in the educational units I've worked in, our educational schools where we have such a strong older population of Volunteers in part because they have time but in part because they're looking for connection, that affectionate friendly love that comes from the camaraderie they have with each other and with the organization. I think about my dad and how he counts money at the church and the group of friends that he has every Tuesday at 11:30, and how that's critical to him. Volunteering is affectionate love, friendly love, connective love.

Sorge, which is that unconditional familial love. In some ways I view this like planned giving. People who aren't looking for something in return, because most planned gifts there isn't anything because they're already gone, they've left you, and identified you as someone that affiliates with the value set that they have in connection to your mission or the people in your organization or both. It's one-sided. They didn't need something in return. And the most powerful group of planned giving people that express the Sorge kind of love is the ones that don't tell you much about their estate giving and they die and pass and all of a sudden you get a letter from a lawyer saying, you know, you had, there, you were in their estate. These are remarkable people because like a parent they just want what's best for you.

Ludas, which is that flirtatious playful kind of love. I think this is the kind of connection we have with people who first identify with us as a place they connect with. It's fun. It's playful. It's joyous. It's full of possibilities. I have felt this way, and this is maybe not about volunteering but in terms of the work I do. In almost every job I've had, those first few months, I remember the emotion. I don't remember the duties. I don't remember the tasks, but I remember the feeling. When I started at Rockhurst and at the Academy at St Thomas and at the medical center, even though things were challenging and difficult and kind of crazy, in every one of those examples except for Rockhurst there was such connection about the possibilities. And in some ways, my consulting is that way. Every day, how do I help others? This is exciting. It's new every day. My hope is that in this way as in people who are volunteers or employees who are listening to this podcast, and who are engaged in nonprofit work, and then that most importantly of the philanthropists who make the difference, I hope they feel this kind of love all the time. Endless possibilities, almost a sense of walking on clouds, that we can make a difference in the world and the joy that comes with that.

Pragma, well this is the committed, the long lasting, forever love we associate sometimes with spouses or partners who are together for you know 30, 40, 50, 60 years. This is your longtime donors and your longtime volunteers. They never leave you. We know statistically that the most likely planned giving donors are the ones who are the most consistent donors over time, not the largest, the most consistent.

So there's been a recent study out of Texas Tech, Dr. Russell branded one and then we also have the work that Stelter does. Both have said the exact same thing. Long time, consistent donors, why is that pragma love? They've begun to associate their existence with what you do and maybe they volunteer, maybe they're just a donor, maybe they were a student, maybe they were a patient, maybe they were engaged in some way, shape, or form as a board member or volunteer. They were a long time and the the alignment of values has now existed and the betterment of both is, can be seen at least through their eyes, through the relationship they have with you or that nonprofit.

Self-love. These are the individuals I think of that I've had conversations where it feels like we're selling a naming opportunity rather than making a nonprofit gift. It's not that their heart's not in the right place because it is. They're making the gift to make that naming opportunity possible, but sometimes we feel as if we're talking more about the naming opportunity than the value of the gift. Doesn't mean they're bad people, just like the Greek said about taking care of yourself. But at the end of the day they may not be the ones who are the most, which we'll get to in a moment, transformational. They're more transactional but yet they play an important part in our possibilities, philanthropically.

The final one is Agape and you've heard me talk about it. It's number one, still, in the nonprofit world, the book which I will show right here because I always keep a copy on my desk, by Nathan Chappelle and Brian Crimmins, The Generosity Crisis, the fact that we have fewer donors and we should be looking for transformational radical relationships, that's Agape love that they have a genuine concern for others and that your organization can help provide some of the answers for that, and thus, they love you for what you do. And what you do for others, it's serving others. Its wholeness and completeness. It's empathy. It's empathy for others' plights. It's selfless in what they're trying to accomplish.

What I'd like to advocate today is that while all these other loves are at least most are connected in some way to philanthropy. If we could think about Agape love more often in philanthropy and nonprofits in the work we do with others and get others to think about it as well, if possible, to figure out how they are Agape with us. Agape in love with what we do with the effects that we have with the things that need to be done to make our communities in people's lives better.

Then we get more transformational moments of gift opportunities, and I'm not putting a dollar figure on it. Transformational giving for one person maybe five dollars, for someone else it may be $5 million. If you're a millionaire, very wealthy, and you give five dollars that's not Agape love. That may be another kind of love. It might be the connection you have or just the affiliate which is affectionate, like I need to help or that it's self-love like I feel an obligation. If we get to Agape Love more often with our prospects, donors, volunteers people most connected to us that we recognize their ability even if there's not a connection to the ones that are benefiting, that they are passionate about helping this selfless idea of others we will move philanthropy forward to higher levels because it's Agape love that gets us to those transformational conversations and thoughts.

If that's what you do every day you'll spend a lifetime in this profession, either giving that kind of love and gifts or being the conduit connecting those who can do it to organizations and missions you believe in and they believe in together. An interesting way of looking at philanthropy, the love of mankind, through a little bit of Greek love. And if nothing else maybe this gives you just something to think about as we move here into the spring.

Don't forget, check out the blogs hallettphilanthropy.com. If you'd like to reach out to me that's podcast@hallettphilanthropy.com. And don't forget what you do is important, it's critical. Hopefully you're having your personal and appropriate love affair with your nonprofit, whether as an employee, a donor, a volunteer, or whatever you do because our world needs more Agape love. Really any kind of love for others. Some people make things happen, some people watch things happen, then there are those who wondered what happened. Those who want to make things happen are loving their world, love of mankind, philanthropy, and hope you find yourself thinking about that finding others that also think about it and then mirroring the two together to do great things for the community. And the things the community that are most important and that's a good way to spend a life in a career. I'll look forward to talking with you next time right back here on "Around with Randall" and don't forget make it a great day.