The Constant Battle – Liked vs. Respected
At a certain point in life, when you look back over time, I tend to think what you think you remember may not actually be what happened. In the world of crime, witnesses who personally experienced a particular scenario don't always remember it exactly the way it happened. And as I grow older, the memories of my adolescence probably aren't exactly the way things happened.
With that said, I'm pretty sure that I've never been the most popular person in my class, in my social groups, in the neighborhood, etcetera. When I was young, that really bothered me. Being liked was something I really wanted. Not just fitting in, but people wanting to spend their time with me because they liked being around me. I think we all have this concern as we go through life. I was, and am, no different.
But I find myself challenging the status quo more and more often. More about that will come out in the next month or so regarding a project I've worked on for the last six months that will really challenge the historical nature of leadership in healthcare. If I'm lucky, I'll have a chance to talk about my viewpoints and my guess is they won't make me very popular or liked. The question I'm asking myself is, if I truly believe it and I think it's right, do I really care?
Age, and hopefully some wisdom along with it, have a way of shaping the vantage point of not being as concerned about being liked vs. being respected. There's no question that the closest relationships in one's life, that of a significant other/spouse, adult children, parents as you become an adult, siblings, and incredibly close friends, are better when one is liked. However, for the rest of the world isn't being respected more important? It's less prevalent in daily life. It's more powerful in feeling but occurs so much less often. And it doesn't give you that warm feeling that being liked does but certainly lasts longer.
While more than half a century old now, there's always a little bit of that adolescent boy seeking to be accepted. I'm certainly not advocating for being a pain in the backside. But being respected and being trusted because of that respect, are far more important in the long run for all of us.
